Mothering in Missions
I want to start off by saying that this is about my personal journey, not everyone’s is the same but I wanted to give a visual of what life as a mama and missionary look like for me.
This morning I woke up so cranky already due to lack of sleep, then received a email that is making me believe we will not be receiving about half of our expected income this month. I started writing close friends and family to pray for me (already feeling a bit better, thank You Jesus!) because I know today is going to be rough as I started off with little patience with our dear sweet babe.
Lanaïa is such a kind and strong girl. We are so incredibly blessed to have her as our daughter – but her still waking up 4ish times a night is so draining. Some of you mamas can relate, I’m sure. She is so strong willed, incredibly active and extremely social which makes it hard to keep up with her already (she’s 14.5 months old).
If we were still living in Canada, day care, babysitters, friends and family would all be options for us to have a day break of parenting to either get work done or simply enjoy one another as a couple. Living away from our Western home we are so limited to childcare (especially since we live out of the city). Things are just so different and sometimes it is so difficult to come to terms with.
I mostly work from home and I also don’t drive here (crazy drivers, corrupted police stops and our vehicle is standard, which I still have not learned how to drive) so being home ALL THE TIME with Lanaïa can be draining. As much as I love her and adore being her mother – the lack of freedom can feel suffocating. So much so that whenever I get the chance to sit, get my mind settled and get work done, it feels extremely refreshing – almost as if my work is my break time.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do but I do find it odd that my time of work is what the Lord uses to refresh me. Does anyone else feel that way? Maybe because it is also a time where I can be creative. Either way, I am thankful for what the Lord has called me to here.
I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I have been without Lanaïa out somewhere and only ONCE did Ibrahim and I have about 30 minutes without her (thank you to Lanaïa’s love-grandparents here, Andy and Amy, you guys rock!). When living in a place where people stare at you constantly, it’s exhausting to go out by yourself even when you do have that option.
But guys, WE ARE SO TIRED. Most days, I don’t know how other mama’s do it. There are constant deep breathes taken and prayers said every day. Processing this out now though, shows me that all of this is proof that Jesus is enough. He is enough to get me through each difficult day, to help me choose joy in the midst of chaos and stress and He is faithful enough to trust Him in each and every need. Please note that He is enough for you too — in e v e r y way. We just need to constantly choose Him in all situations, joy, sadness, stress, tiredness, all things! It is with Him that we may conquer our struggles.
So today, I will continue to take it one day/one hour at a time and choose to give all my anxieties, fatigue, failures and everything I lack over to Jesus (even if some tears are shed). I am making a conscience choice to believe in His love for us and to have faith in all of our needs.
Sara
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